Dear Rising Soul: The Pain of Being Misunderstood and the Power of Seeing Yourself Clearly
Making someone else’s understanding the measure of your worth becomes kryptonite to your soul.
The truest validation comes from the journey inward, where self-understanding meets self-love.
Have you ever felt that hollow ache after a conversation with someone, the feeling of being invisible, unseen, and unheard? You replay the moment over and over in your mind, wondering if they ever truly heard your heart. The emotional aftershock settles in. Did they even hear me? The loneliness that follows is unmistakable.
Dear Rising Soul,
We have all been there at one time or another and felt the sting of being misunderstood, a feeling that leaves us almost alien in a world that does not seem to understand or see us. Sometimes we long for validation from people who may never truly see or understand us, which can leave us feeling hurt, disappointed, and rejected. Validation can feel like safety.
But here is the part we often miss: not everyone will see us the way we hope to be seen, not because we are wrong about who we are, but because of their emotional capacity. Some people cannot see beyond their own need to be seen and validated, their own search for safety. Others cannot see past the version of us they have created in their mind or their need to be right. And that sense of safety we chase through validation is, like many things in life, an illusion rather than truth. We think being acknowledged solidifies our humanity.
People often lack the ability to truly listen. Many are already in their own heads, preparing what they will say next. Small ears cannot hear your heart. And when we hand over our worth to someone else’s response, we give our power away.
We all crave not just to be seen but to have our hearts seen. We yearn to belong. Humans are tribal, so it is in our nature. We seek community even when our pain tries to convince us otherwise. As a form of protection, pain tells us we do not need anyone. So we shut down, lock ourselves away, and convince ourselves we are better off alone, that the risk of vulnerability is too high, and that using our voices and speaking our truth is not worth the potential hurt.
Much of this comes from childhood, where we learned that being seen equates to being loved. Our worth does not decrease because another person fails to understand us. When we realize that the only validation we truly need comes from within, we stop chasing breadcrumbs and looking for affirmations from others to prove our worth. When we see and understand ourselves, we stop giving others the power to reign over our value. We begin choosing people and spaces where we are naturally understood. The moments we once misunderstood hold less power, and we move past them with greater ease because our sense of self no longer depends on someone else. We begin living and breathing the truth that we are enough, and we understand ourselves so deeply that we are not easily shaken or unraveled.
We do not need to over-explain ourselves to those who genuinely see us. These people become the ease and light in our lives, the mirrors that reflect the understanding we once craved, because we have gained the self-understanding we were missing. These people feel like family, like safety, like home, because of their willingness to try to understand us. We no longer feel the need to fix others’ perceptions, and we do not measure our worth by whether someone understands us. Instead, we step into a life where we feel recognized and aligned with likeminded individuals. We stop climbing mountains and spinning in circles and take the path toward community and unity. We learn to see ourselves in all our beauty and to allow our truth to stand firm. And in this, we rise.
You, dear soul, are all the validation you need. You hold the reins. Embrace the understanding you offer yourself.
With love,
Naomi 🤍
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